You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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