You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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