he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
