I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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