My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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