I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
