1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
