I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
