I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
