Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
