i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
