i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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