i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Operation Purity has been aborted
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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