Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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