I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
