i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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