apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
