Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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