Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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