Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
