I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
