Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
