She is in my trunk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
