My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
