I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
