my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i out mim tonsoeep
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