is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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