I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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