Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
