the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
