I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize