I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
