It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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