I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
