He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
