I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
