I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
