not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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