i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
