I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
