I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the night ended with taco bell and tears
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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