Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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