I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
