What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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