Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
