every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
