WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize