Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
