I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
