I wish I could teleport
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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