great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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