somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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