evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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