That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
