Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize