i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
