You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dignity is for republicans.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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