Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
