Me too!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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