i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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