Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
