I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize