That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
