I got chris browned last night
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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