I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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