I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
