found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
