No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't deserve a penis
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
