She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
