I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
