I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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